Architecture of Ideas

Losing Control: Public as the Default Mode

Teachable moments are supposed to be just that: teachable moments. When I was growing up my teachable moments came at home (when I decided to harvest all of my neighbor's flower garden), at school (when a careless mathematical mistake meant a complete revision of my honor's thesis), and socially (when I chose to explore what "everyone else was doing" at the risk of jeopardizing my own integrity). Abnormal? No.  Criminal? No. Public? Yes and No. Teachable? Yes.

Today's young adults are doing just as I did growing up. They are testing the waters and exploring notions of identity. And yet, it is a different world in which they are doing this. The stakes are higher and the very nature of their lives (highly connected, everything digital, very visual) is public by default with privacy "opt in." 

Recently our school community felt the full weight of students' explorations, the ease of digital communication, and this public-by-default nature of their interactions. Like so many other schools nationwide we had to address an incident of "sexting" between 8th grade students. Although one draws some "comfort" in reading the Pew report on Teens and Sexting that it's not "just us," it is still very difficult and my heart bleeds for those involved directly as well as for our school community as a whole. It is a very public moment, and I wish the media would step back and capitalize on this differently: as a teachable moment for the broader public. If the incident has to be so public, then let's model the highest form of adult behavior and use this opportunity for the  public good.

So how might I capitalize on this teachable moment? If you are a parent, as I am, here are a few suggestions:

1. Become Knowledgeable. The greatest gift we can give one another is building our own understanding and knowledge. What is sexting? What are the moral, emotional, developmental and legal issues? Here are a few resources that can help:

General Resources on Technology and Safety:

• http://www.safekids.com/
• http://www.safeteens.com
• http://www.connectsafely.org/
• http://commonsensemedia.org
• http://www.wiredsafety.org

Specific Resources on Teens and Sexting:

http://www.pewinternet.org/Reports/2009/Teens-and-Sexting.aspx

http://life.familyeducation.com/teen-relationships/sexting/63750.html?page=2&detoured=1

http://www.theyoungandthedigital.com/cell-phones/teens-technology-and-sexting-child-pornography-or-teachable-moments/

2. Talk With Your Child. If kids are operating with "public as the default" and privacy as a choice, then they need help learning to set appropriate boundaries. One of the reasons I am so passionate about the integration of technology and networked learning in schools is because our kids need our help. Technology tools that enable unlimited interactions and unlimited sharing of information (of all kinds) are not going away. There is much to be excited about for those of us in education, but we need parents as our partners so that we can build our kids' capacity to navigate. Ask your child to talk to you about and show you how she uses any technology--cell phones, laptops, the Internet, XboxLive. And, remember: this is a conversation, not a "yes, no" multiple choice inquisition. In this particular situation, here are a few possible conversation starters:

• What do you know about sexting? What do you think about it?
  
• Have you ever received photos or other images that you thought were inappropriate? If so, what did you do about it?
• What does it mean we we say "inappropriate?"
  
• What do think about when you post pictures or comments online, or send a text message? When you share information, what control do you have over who sees it and what they do with it?

3. Establish Boundaries. Our children are at great risk without boundaries. It is unlimited access without any guidelines that fosters trouble. What boundaries should you set with technology? I think it depends on the child, the family, and the use. My suggestion is to take your family values, the purpose of employing the technology, and then create guidelines for its use. And then, the hardest part, is holding family members accountable. Though difficult, this is where they understand the boundaries because "the walk matches the talk."

4. Know the Rules.

In recent months, the media has reported broadly on sexting, teens, child pornography, and the law. (See New York Times' Sexting May Place Teens at Legal Risk.) I hope you will talk with your child about the law as it is currently written. However, I hope the powers-that-be will consider the unreasonableness of applying that law to these situations. Researcher and associate professor at the University of Texas-Austin S. Craig Watkins writes: 

Rather than prosecute young people for sexting, we need to use these as “teachable moments” about technology, sexuality, and intimacy. In the digital world teens are acting out many of the scripts and images they consume in popular culture. Unfortunately, the images of femininity and masculinity in pop culture provide narrow notions of gender identity for teens to experiment with. A 2005 study by the Kaiser Family Foundation titled Sex on TV4 found that between 1998 and 2005, the number of sexual scenes on television nearly doubled. In my 2006 book Hip Hop Matters I document the degree to which popular music and music videos marketed to young people incorporate increasingly sexualized content, bodies, and imagery.

We have a teachable moment. We all have much to learn. I hope we will do so in a way that benefits our kids- by keeping them safe, making them smart, and understanding they are just kids.  In my opinion, that is what is worthy of being "public."

Image Credit: Cameras Within This Parking Garage by takomabibelot on Flickr. Creative Commons License

Facebook Privacy Settings for Young Teens-and their Parents

I am often asked to speak to parent groups about the social media landscape and our children. Recently, Sarita Yardi, PhD candidate in the College of Computing at Georgia Tech, and I spent an hour with about 50 8th grade parents looking at what kids are doing online, talking about that morning's hot-off-the-press Kaiser report, and asking them how much they knew about Facebook's new privacy settings. (Many did not know the settings had changed.)  Upon leaving we had a lot of parents promising to set up their own Facebook accounts so they could learn more about this world their children lived in; but moreso, nearly every parent there wanted some guidance on the new privacy settings. "What SHOULD those settings be?" they inquired.

And so, here it is. The following recommendations  are my suggestions for an average child in a home of typical online supervision. This means the child is emotionally stable; is well-adjusted in school or other face to face environments with his or her peers; and, the parents are not experts but they are willing to be involved in their child's learning to "live online." I would love to have the network's response to these recommendations, so please chime in as an educator, researcher, counselor, doctor, parent...or friend. I am hoping we can get the best recommendation out there for our young teens...and their parents.

Recommended Facebook Privacy Settings 

1. Where do I find the settings?

You will notice the screen above doesn't look like the current log in corner of FB. If you remember nothing else from what I share below, I hope you will remember this: things change, and simply plugging in my recommendations does not help you help your child develop the skills to navigate this constantly changing paradigm of information abundance, connectivity, and instant access.  The image above is from the site as it looked just last week. When you log in to Facebook today, you will find the privacy settings have moved. They are now accessed via the drop down menu under the word "Account." (Settings no longer exists in the navigation bar.) So, go to that drop down menu, and click on Privacy Settings. The following menu will appear (this did stay the same):

1 . Profile Information

Certain information in all Facebook accounts (name, profile picture, gender, current city, networks, Friends List*, and all the "pages" subscribed to) is now public information. However, you can control what additional information is available to Everyone vs. Friends of Friends vs. Only Friends. You will note my profile information and settings below. As someone who uses Facebook for social and business reasons, I am comfortable with having Everyone see my Family and Relationships as well as Education and Workplace. I would recommend that our young teens start out with sharing the additional information with Only Friends. This means that any photos or videos posted online are only viewable by friends (this includes photos and videos uploaded and tagged as your child--the tag would only show to their friends). You can also restrict posting on their wall to only friends which, assuming the choice of friends is a good one implies there will not be inappropriate posts.

*Note: It is possible to remove Friends List from a public profile. However, Facebook does not make this easy. To remove a Friends list from public viewing, go to the Friends list as shown on your home page (under the picture) and click on the Edit button (pencil icon). You can select to remove the Friends list from your public profile here.

2. Contact Information

Contact Information includes everything from address, phone number, email, and IM handle to Facebook inbox/message control. Each item has its own drop down menu just as Profile Information does where you can decide who can see that information: Only Friends, Friends of Friends, Everyone (in the World). I don't see any reason why a 13 year old should have a setting for each of these other than Only Friends. Your child might initially argue that they want people to be able to Add Me as a Friend and Send Me a Message. My thinking is that you can "grow" the more public nature of child's information as he/she demonstrates maturity and network literacy skills with the group of his/her friends.

This opens the door to speak for a moment to this thing called "Friends." Friends, and the number of friends one has, are the gold standard by which many a young adult judges his/her worth--online just as it is offline. If you child is not searchable on Facebook (see below), then the chance of them becoming friends a) with someone they do not know or b) without them seeking out the friendship first is not likely. I hope, however, that parents will spend time helping their child consider who they should friend online. My rule of thumb with my kids was they were not to friend someone they did not know, or who they did not know was a good friend of one of their good friends. And, if ever there was anything inappropriate, then they should not be the least bit concerned about "unfriending" that person and telling me.

None of this is meant to get in the way of our children forging friendships beyond those people they know face to face or know well. I think those relationships will come, in different contexts (possibly and hopefully school), as parent and child learn how Facebook and other learning networks work, and as the child demonstrates (again) their learning and mature handling of these connections.

3. Search: Who Can Find Your Child on Facebook AND Google

If you click on Search under the Privacy Settings,the following screen will appear:

A. Facebook Search Results
Do you want those who are not currently Friends with your child on Facebook to be able to search the Facebook platform and find them? There are once again three choices here: Only Friends, Friends of Friends, and Everyone. You'll notice that I have the Everyone setting. As an adult who uses Facebook for some social and some business use, I am fine with being searchable.  However, I think that being searchable as a 13 year old should be limited to Only Friends or Friends of Friends. I am pretty comfortable with Friends of Friends in this category for this reason only: If you have selected Only Friends under all the Contact section items, then your child cannot be sent a message or a request to "add a friend" from someone other than their friends. Friends of friends can see their profile in the search results, but they would not have contact information. The most conservative stance here would be Only Friends. If you're going to spend time learning Facebook and observing your child's development online, then this limited searchability seems to be a good opportunity for learning together.

B. Google Search Results

As you can see, I checked "Allow" in my Public Search Results setting. This means that if you Google me, you'll see that I have a Facebook account, and you will be able to see the limited profile I've shared to Everyone.  Given my work and maturity, I am fine with being searchable. In fact, this "clickability" is important to me. Your child at age 13 is another matter. I would suggest you uncheck the box "Allow" making your child's public profile on Facebook unsearchable on Google. 

4. Applications and Websites

This area can get complicated. Why? Kids use these applications all the time, and they love things like birthday cards which require certain shared information. Applications and websites that are used in Facebook can freely access any of the public information or that which is shared with everyone. However, in this area you can choose what information Facebook can share with applications used by your child's friends AND you can block certain applications you don't feel comfortable with. Just edit the settings at What Friends Can Share About You and Blocked Applications.

5. Block List

Last but not least is the Block List. If there are certain individuals on Facebook that you do not want interacting with your teen, or who they don't want to have contact with, then add them to the Block List. If you have followed the instructions above and do not have a public profile, and you have limited contact to only friends, then you should not have an issue with contact from outside the preselected network you and your teen have set up together.

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There are many "ins and outs" of Facebook (and other online networks) and these settings do not in any way cover every eventuality or situation. So, what do you do? Learn by doing. Get online yourself, and let your child/now teen show you what they do online.  Develop a relationship that includes inquiry--asking questions, looking for answers together--and begin building an open dialogue and trust in this new space together. Then let it grow naturally from there.

When I asked my 8th grade nephew the other day his recommendation to kids his age online he wrote, "follow your own values/morals and be smart." I thought this was pretty good advice-for both the teens and the parents.